Prayer check-- granted or still pending?

This year, my prayer is that may I soar and hunt and dive and kill (figuratively) like a great owl.
(c) Owl design on Landyacht longboard, by Andreas Preis

Last year, there were a handful of things that I prayed for. So, before the month of June ends, I want to look back and see whether God has been looking kindly at me this year.

I actually just had six things I prayed for last year - a desire to keep on growing, my teaching career, my writing career, being focused and fueled, loving others and proclaiming God's love. Let's see if my simple prayers had been answered...




1. A desire to keep on growing.

This year I feel blessed, despite some bouts of self-doubt and self-loathing (brought about by desires that did not materialize, which I don't want to talk about right now), because despite being still where I'm at, I believe that I'm going somewhere. I'm in this self-imposed exile (from urban life) because there are things that I can only fix in a much less complicated environment than the city, things like those going on in my head. Yes, I needed a little quiet after all the things that I've been through a couple of years ago (i.e. failed jobs, failed relationships), and I think God had been good and granted me that.

I'm glad to have taken up writing and painting again. And reading lots and lots of books and comics! :)

2. My teaching career

A year ago I did not want to ever go back to teaching. I guess that was because when I was with DepEd, I was not really the best teacher that I could have been. I was not efficient and I was always lagging behind in the tasks that I needed to do. I wasn't given another chance to teach right after two years of substitution. Either that, or maybe because the administration has their eye on other applicants who are their relatives or kasimanwas (this is my shameless sour-graping reason).

So because of this, I stopped teaching and went on to become a callgirl. Nope, I did not go from substitution to prostitution, you can close your gaping mouth, thank you. I worked for call centers (business process outsourcing or BPO companies) for two years, until I finally decided last March 2012 to resign and just go home and sit still.

And so I did, until I had the chance to be accepted as part-time teacher in West Visayas State University - Calinog Campus in June 2012. I'm  thankful that I was given a chance to prove my worth in the thing that I do best which is teaching, and I'm happy to rediscover my love for the profession.

If you are a part-time teacher, you have to renew your application yearly. Meaning, I had to pass an application and go to an interview and demo lesson this school year. I almost had a nervous breakdown and had spent sleepless nights and restless zombiefied days was really worried about that because I was afraid that history will once again repeat itself, but just today, I received a text message from the HR that I need to report tomorrow at WVSU-Calinog Campus. I already learned from Ms. Lucy the HR officer when I went there the other day that I was was among those whose papers where sent to the WVSU Main Campus (Lapaz) for approval by the university president. The text message meant that the papers are now ready. Many of my co-teachers as well as my heads may not understand this, and they maybe feel that I'm just nonchalant about the whole thing, but I really feel emotional about this.

So, perhaps, for this year, my prayer is that may I will not fail my administrator and my heads, and most importantly the students that I will be teaching this year. May I will always remember the trust that WVSU-CC has placed in me once again. And, oh yeah, may I finish my masters, and enroll finally in an English program so I can contribute to the growth of the campus as an instructor with all the right (vertical) qualifications. Vertical means that since I'm a BSEd English graduate, I should have taken a master's degree in English as a Secondary Language or English Language and Literature or Reading. But I have SpEd right now, that I still need to finish. Compre exams na lang, which I first hoped to take this July but realized I'm not up for it yet. Scaredy cat that I am. So, I'll prepare for it intensively this second semester, and take them in December.

Also, this summer, I started working part-time for RareJob, an online English school for Japanese students. It was very convenient and it keeps me busy. No time for bad thoughts to creep up to me. It is fun to talk to my students, whose ages range from 14 to 65. It can be really tiring sometimes, especially now since regular classes in the university has already started. But keri lang.

3. My writing career. 

As for my writing career in the literary sense, I'm glad that I was able to write some poetry this year and be one of the fellows of the San Ag Writers' Workshop (11th year) sponsored by the University of San Agustin. I think this is one opportunity that I'm glad I grabbed. As for the journalistic aspect, I haven't really written for any publications this year, but I'm happy that I've blogged sporadically (hehe) over the year, and hmm, a bit fruitfully, over the end of summer. I did, right? ^_^

4. Being focused and fueled. 

Uhmm... I'm not really sure about this because this year my belief that I am an undiagnosed adult with ADHD has become stronger because of the my many bouts of uninspired and unmotivated funkiness over the past few months regarding things that I needed to do like grades last semester, completion for my subjects in grad school where I got INC, laundry, and other things that took forever for me to start doing.

But of course, I'm toughing it out and trying to do the best out of the circumstances, whatever they may be at any given moment (i.e. cute kitty videos when I'm trying to finish a research proposal) and I would like to believe that I'm winning. I am trying. Very hard. And I would like to ask for more fuel from Jesus, however much He thinks I need. Thank you in advance po!

5. Loving others.

This is kind of difficult to do especially with the people who are always around me and whom I was supposed to love with no questions asked. Sometimes it really is easier to love strangers and dogs. This is something I know I really have to work on. So, Lord, may I renew this same prayer this year? Hehe.

6. Proclaiming his love.

Umm. Maybe I can say that I also sucked at this one, because I sucked at number five. :( So, Lord, may I please renew this one, too? Thank you!

Thus, this year, I wish to be better, if not the best that I can be in all the areas of my life-- especially in my career, passions, and family life. So, may God help me.